Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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