You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
