she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
