How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Randomize
