Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
