i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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