he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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