i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
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