You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
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