I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
