dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Hippo gnu deer
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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