Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
