it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
