ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
