i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
