i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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