this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
