I am puke
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
