Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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