I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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