we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
