good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
