i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
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