I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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