my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
