No stitches, just platelets and will power
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
