If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
