I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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