Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
