I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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