I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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