i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
