The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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