I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
