MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
