Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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