is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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