last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
