dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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