Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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