Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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