he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
