if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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