Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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