I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
