I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
