I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
