Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
