I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
