i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
