I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
