So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
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