For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
