did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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