oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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