I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize
