I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
