Betty ford says i'm here all night
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
