From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
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Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
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You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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