Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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