so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
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Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
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it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize