Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
he fucked my hip out of place.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
