If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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