There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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