How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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